Fetishism

Fetishism is a perversion that is found, primarily in men, in which

genital discharge is impossible without the presence of their fetish. A fetish,

however can be a variety of things, yet there are three basic types of fetishes:

an inanimate object (e.g. women's clothing, shoes, gloves, underwear), a part

of the human body (e.g. foot, hand, hair, legs, breasts), or something odd

such as, leather, rubber, the touch of velvet. Some fetishes, as observed by

Freud, may not even be visible to the other person at all. In one case a patient

of Freud was obsessed with the shine on the noses of the women he was

attracted to. With regards to specific fetishes such as that the fetishist usually

needs to look at, touch, or smell during or preparing for the sexual act. In

some cases just the sight of the fetish could result in an orgasm.

The Freudian view of fetishes changed over the years. His early view

stated that fetishism was a result of some childhood fantasy or exposure that

resulted in the fetish but he later changed the view. Freud later theorized that

the fetish was a fear of castration on the part of the male. He believed that

the association with the penis to the female reproductive organ was a

reminder to men that castration is possible. This anxiety would cause the

fetishist to associate his or her sexual desire with another body part or object.

By doing this he or she can link sexual experience with another part and

forget about infertility, humiliation, or anxiety. Usually the desire is linked

closely to the genitals, it could be something seen when the genitals were first

viewed, such as, underwear, or something associatively linkable to the

experience (e.g. fur, which could be symbolic of pubic hair).

In some cases kleptomania has been considered a fetish. Many

fetishists develop a compulsive urge to obtain their cherished articles by any

means possible. They may become sexually aroused when then "peep" on

women changing or steal women's undergarments from their homes. The

risk involved while stealing usually increases the sexual excitation.

Pyromania has been given similar interpretation. Since fire is associated with

passion the arsonist, if fire is his fetish, may reach orgasm by watching the

fire that he has started. In one case the fear of being caught was best

summed up by a patient of Dr. Grant who discussed his findings in a

psychology journal in 1953. "I have suffered a great deal of anxiety during

my visits to public places where it is easy to watch women's shoes and legs.

In addition to the guilt I feel, there is the danger of detection.

Plainclothesmen have haunted me more than once, and I have been

questioned on suspicion of loitering."

Fetishism itself seems to be the result of two major sources. First, the

fetish may be associated with a particular sexual object or style that is

possessed by someone who is sexually attractive. In this case it is a particular

perfume of hairstyle that the fetishist has seen or smelled on a sexually

attractive individual that would cause him or her to be attracted to the same

article later. Second, there is the insecure man who, for fear of rejection,

uses the object to substitute the real thing. Because he can not have her lock

of hair he generalizes his search so that any lock of hair will do. His original

natural interest soon becomes deviation to his new hobby.

For the most part, the fetishists that engage in illegal or "perverted"

acts to fulfill their fetish usually fight the impulse to so it but find it

irresistible. The connection between the action and sexual satisfaction is

usually not understood but if it is the fetishist becomes embarrassed or

ashamed.

The treatment for severe cases of fetishism is to try and help the

fetishist alter his reactions to the desired object through insight and

reasoning. When the asphyxiation is superficial or recently developed the

procedure is quick whereas if it is a result of a personality disturbance,

long-term treatment is usually required.

Fetishism, anthropologically, can apply to a form of belief and

religious practice in which supernatural attributes are given to inanimate

objects. In some cases it is a figure carved out of stone, clay, or wood, in

which the "believers" will have minor ceremonies revolving around the

object. In some religious instances the fetish is attached to a specific place,

such as, a tree, rock, or a river. In many cases, the belief becomes similar to

the sexual fetishes explained earlier where the believers become unaware of

the symbolism that the article has rather they begin to worship the object

itself. In this situation the fetishism can be considered as something like

idolatry.

In conclusion, there seems to be two basically distinctive sides to

fetishism, those who condone it and those who feel it is a sexual perversion

when it gets out of hand. A publicly published article on the Internet by an

anonymous author, whose fetish was bestiality, the desire to engage in sexual

relations with animals, best sums up the side of the fetishists, "...this is the

pain of being 'different', shunned by society and the self appointed morals

police. Those who simply don't understand, or they just don't want to

understand are included in that category."

Female Genital Mutilation: Long Term Psychological Effects

Female Genital Mutilation, or Female Circumcision as sometimes called, is the partial or complete removal of the female clitoris immediately after birth, few years after birth (early childhood), or several years after birth (adolescence). Originally, female genital mutilation was practiced to ensure female virginity until marriage; as it was discovered that by the partial or complete removal of the clitoris, a female's sexual urge is minimized and, therefore, a girl could have more control over her sexual desires. Because virginity was and remains a very crucial factor in almost every society, circumcision was invented way in the past before any of the Heavenly Religions appeared. In fact, the most traditional and conservative type of circumcision is the Pharoanic type (Infibulation), where the complete removal of the clitoris occurs and the vulva walls are stitched together leaving a small opening for urination and menstrual discharge. Nowadays, however, it continues to be practiced in Africa and the Middle East mostly due to social forces. New reasoning developed through the years to keep the ritual going on. The many reasons given for the practice are bewildering and unfounded in any scientific or medical fact. They fall into four main categories: psycho-sexual, religious, sociological and hygienic. Among the psycho-sexual reasons is a belief that the clitoris is an aggressive organ that threatens the male organ and even endangers babies during delivery. It is believed that if a baby's head touches the mother's clitoris during birth, the child will be born with a low IQ. Hence, a girl who is not circumcised, is considered 'unclean' by local villagers and thus unmarriageable. A girl who does not have here clitoris removed is considered a great danger and ultimately fatal to a man if her clitoris touches his penis. Also, the circumcision issue is seen as a form of beauty. It is seen as aesthetically beautiful, as genitals are disfiguring and ugly in their natural state (Real Net, 2). In short, nowadays the practice isn't done to explicitly mean that girls are untrustable, but because, presently, the woman's clitoris is considered to be an ugly part in a woman's body and perceived to be harmful in many ways. And not long ago, Sigmund  Freud wrote 'The  elimination of clitorial sexuality is a necessary precondition for the development of femininity."

According to psychologists, the practice is known to be done in order to suppress women. A patriarchal society is what defines most of those African and Middle Eastern countries. It is argued that a man keeps his superiority over women by controlling every aspect in her life. And since sexuality is such a major part in a human's life, a close control over this specific aspect in a woman meant to keep here under a tight male control. Circumcision ensures that a woman will not have had any sexual intercourse before marriage and thus is subject to what she is told to do by her husband. That is, due to past inexperience and low internal sexual drive,  she is totally ignorant of what she is supposed to do regarding this matter. According to an article in the Real Net Access, "Women have been persuaded to see their sexual impulses in terms that suit men.... man's pleasure is paramount and women are merely vehicles for procuring this enjoyment."(Real Net, 2). Thus, the husband entails what should be done and what shouldn't, according to his preferences. So, it is only when and how the husband needs; the wife here is reduced to nothing but an object of pleasure. Psychologists, thus, argue that to deny a woman the basic right to her sexuality, is to deny her the rights to having strength, power and identity. The inability of a women to regulate their lives inhabilitates them; "they remain under the heels of patriarchal structures."(Real Net, 1). Thus circumcised women, unable to have sex for pleasure's sake, are reduced to baby-makers. Without the driving force to desire, they lost much of the power of self-initiative and, as a result, are more dependent on male authority to define their lives.

As a result, a woman's integrity, worth and need in society is based on if she fits the sexual criteria. Many fear that an uncircumcised girl would be a social outcast whom no one will marry. In some societies, non-mutilated girls are "ridiculed and forced to leave their communities and fend for themselves."(Real Net, 2). Usually, these girls turn to prostitution in order to survive, because they cannot otherwise survive within the context of their societies. The women have utter conviction that mutilation is an essential part of a fulfilling woman's life. This notion was deep routed in their minds to the extent that when some women were asked why they have infibulated their daughters when they know themselves how much pain it causes them, their answers were: "...it is because we love them."(Real Net, 1). Women have been brainwashed by the dominating thought of the males in their societies to believe that pain and torture is their lot in life. These women have built and created their whole lives and identities, both as individuals and as part of a society, around the only image of reality they know. Ultimately, pain to these women is a better choice than to be alienated. 

Even though Female genital mutilation is practiced mostly in Islamic countries, it is not an exclusively Islamic practice. Circumcision is a cross-cultural and cross-religious ritual.  In Africa and The Middle East, it is performed by Muslims, Coptics Christians, members of various indigenous groups, Protestants and Catholics. However, Muslims try to justify continuing the habit by relating it to "Sunnah"; That is, following the steps and customs of the Prophet "Mohammed". It is argued that The Sunnah version of circumcision (where the foreskin protecting the clitoris is removed) is the recommended one by the Prophet. It is supposedly confirmed that "Mohammed said: "Circumcision is a sunnah for the men and a makrumah for the women."(Abu-Salih, 6). The term makruma is far from clear but we can translate it into an honorable deed. So, both Sunnies and Shiites follow this tradition as the latter say that Imam Al-Sadiq also stated that it is a makruma, and is there anything better than a makrumah?(Abu-Salih, 6). On the other hand, attackers argue that the practice is not a religious one in any way. It was never mentioned in the Quran or the Bible; moreover, it is not an act of God, "God does not mutilate."(Abu-Salih, 7). Says Doctor Nawal El-Saadawi:

"If religion comes from God, how can it order man to cut off an organ created by him as long as that organ is not deformed? God does not create the organs of the body haphazardly without a plan. It is not possible that He should have created the clitoris in a woman's body only in order that it be cut off at an early stage in life."(Abu-Salih, 7).

Nowadays, circumcision is under a huge debate to whether accept it or ban it. In Western countries Female Genital Mutilation is regarded as a form of child abuse.(J. A. Black, 3). In African and Middle Eastern countries, on the other hand, it is seen as a protection for the child. One African American woman, however, says that "it has nothing to do with religion, and it damages women's health and socio-economic life."(Mansavage, 1). This woman continues to remember the pain she suffered during her excision; she even remembers the sound of her flesh being cut, bleeding and being sick for weeks. She considers circumcision an act of child abuse. However, when broadly discussed, circumcision differed from other forms of child abuse in that it is done with the best intentions for the future welfare of the child, there is no possibility of its repetition during childhood, and it is approved by sections of the communities in which it is practiced.(JA Black, 3). "Harm that is done to women is seen as personal, private or cultural matter. Genital Mutilation has not been seen as a type of harm."(Cole & Snell, 1). The problem with those people who are with circumcision for females is that the belief and traditions of the ancestors is deeply grounded in them. Whether there is a strong reason for continuing the practice or not, an African woman who comes from a community where all females are unquestionably mutilated, will always approve of it for her children, because simply she doesn't perceive of them being uncircumcised. The psychological routings of such a custom are very effective and are not subject to any kind of persuasion of the opposite. Most African and Middle Eastern people now only know that girls should be mutilated, but exactly why this should be the case isn't even discussed. Walker sees it as a "heinous form of patriarchal oppression, characterized by 'the feeling of being overpowered and thoroughly dominated by those you are duty bound to respect.'"(Cole & Snell, 1).

Efforts are being made to try and make people of those countries understand the disastrous effects of mutilation on women and their children in the future. The problem is that you create a social problem within those communities because you make their women stand up for their rights as being abused. One organization for Human rights stated: "Until now you could burn, torture, or mutilate a woman, and it was never counted. We finally made them see that abuse of women is a human-rights issue, not a cultural issue."(Cole & Snell, 2). However, some organizations went the wrong way dealing with the issue. The Colorado Democrat favors economic sanctions against countries that undergo female mutilation. But this idea was opposed by many people, including African born doctors living in the States, claiming that economic sanctioning is not the right way to deal with such a subject. Says Dr. Asha Mohammed: "The practice is not being done intentionally to harm anyone. Mothers do it in good faith for their children. If you cut funding to theses countries, you are hurting the people you want to protect."(Cole & Snell, 2). The problem is that people usually do not conform under threatening or dictation, especially on such a subject. This problem should be dealt with smoothly, it is not going to stop overnight.

Recently, programs are being made to educate village women of Africa and the Middle East in an effort to  make them grasp the idea very well and assess and compare between the harms and benefits, if any, of circumcision. Programs are done in such a way to convey the message in the least offending, but yet the most effective, possible manner. Chosen women of the native tribes and villages are educated abroad and persuaded to return back home and start teaching and convincing the women of those villages and tribes of the long term psychological, mental and health problems. Although, some of those missions returned successful results, some other were a complete failure. While some people could have a more subtle grasp of the subject when they learn about it in an academic way, some others are just resistible and would not conform easy. Perhaps, overcoming the problem would need a little bit of psychological training as well as scientific education.

Finally, I would like to present a debate conversation on the issue to clarify that it doesn't just take scientific education to refuse the female circumcision practice. In an article by George Geib (on the internet), he posted a picture of a young girl and wrote the following: "Take a good look at the girl in the above picture and tell me if you think she would be better off later in her life 'circumcised.' If your answer is 'yes,' you are just another sicky like those found in the understandably screwed up countries of northern and western Africa. And if you come to the west and do this, they'll throw your ass in jail (hopefully) forever." In defense for such an offensive article came out an article from an Arabic Doctor, who refused to reveal his identity, saying that of course he approved of that girl being circumcised. And here are some of the things that he wrote where the girl gains from being circumcised: "* It raises her status in her community, both because of the added purity that circumcision brings and the bravery that initiates are called upon to show. * It confers maturity and inculates positive character traits, including the ability to endure pain and a submissive nature. * The circumcision ritual is an enjoyable one, in which the girl is the center of attention and receives presents and moral instructions from her elders. * All impure tissue is removed and the girl is sewn up until her wedding night." This is how significant the psychological part of  it is. No matter how much descent education people get, if they have routed traditions they will always find ways to approve of them even if they are clear disasters.     

Female Dominance or Male Failure

James Thurber illustrates the male species' status with respect to, "Courtship Through The Ages" with a humorous and melancholic tone. He emphasizes the lack of success males experience through courtship rituals and the constant rejection we endure. Our determination of courting the female with all our "love displays" may be pointless as it is evident in the repetitive failures of courtship by all male creatures. Thurber shares his problems with courtship and the role which men portray, he explores the relationship between nature and culture, and the demands culture places on men. Thurber's frustration with the female species is obvious and is reflected throughout his essay. The extremities males endure to obtain female attention become overwhelming and incomprehensible to Thurber, consequently conflicting with the myth and construction of the ideal of masculinity.

Thurber's frustrations with women are evident right from the start. He displaces male insubordination to the blueprint of nature and it's "complicated musical comedy." (Rosengarten and Flick, 340) It's interesting that he attributes nature as a female creator and thus justifying the relationship that "none of the females of any species she created cared very much for the males." (p 340)

Thurber compares the similarities of courtship to the complicated works of Encyclopedia Brittanica. A book which is full of wonders and within lies mysteries of the unknown and unpredictable. In comparison to the Encyclopedia Brittanica the female is alike in many ways, such as its perfect construction and orderly appearance seeming as if they replicate one another like a clone. I believe Thurber views all female species as being similar to one another with respect to their character.

The author also associates courtship as a business, a show business. A world which is chaotic, disorderly and full of confusion much like nature. It is an aggressive competition between genders in which mother nature dominates. He also attributes the similarity of constructed rules and regulations in need of much guidance with the help of a hand manual.

Culture also places demands on males. Males who are lacking in outer appearance and sexual appeal try to diminish their faults by acquiring gifts "to win her attention... and bring her candy, flowers, and the furs of animals" (p 340) for the lady in courting. Women's refusals became men's burden which laid heavily on their shoulders in the social relationship. "These 'love displays' were being constantly turned down, insulted, or thrown out of the house." (p 340) This produced the evident exhaustion of the male species such as the "fiddler crab who had been standing on tip-toe for eight or ten hours waving a heavy claw in the air is in pretty bad shape." (p 342)

Thurber trivializes the easily bored female, which leads to actions that seek her attention. "Men had to go in for somersaults, tilting and lancing, and performing feats of parlor magic," and go to "sorrowful lengths ... to arouse the interest of a lady." (p 340) This would prevent her from, [going] quietly to sleep." (p 341) He also reiterates the issue of female desire. Their desires are not sexual but consume in material possessions. This also supports, "the age-old desire of the male for the female, the age- old desire of the female to be amused and entertained." (p 343) Males are displayed as tending to the every need and want of females, thus portraying the male as a victim or slave of the female "he never knows how soon the female will demand heavier presents, such as Roman coins and gold collar buttons." (p 341)

Although females are assisted in tasks by males they pride their independence, just as the female fiddler crab displayed. "A female fiddler crab will not tolerate any caveman stuff; she never has and she doesn't intend to start now." (p 342) Thurber seems quite confused of this idea but none the less is good humored and willing to try again to understand courtship rituals.

Throughout Thurber's essay he uses the metaphors of the animals and performer. Just as the male spider is endangering himself by nearing the female's nest, the artist creates his music by "going for web-twitching, or strand-vibrating," (p 342) and endangers himself of being killed by the audience who consumes his art.

The act of violence can be seen as the act of love, metaphorically displayed by the grebe birds. "The purely loving display is a faint hope of drowning her or scaring her to death." (p 343) This illustrates his growing hostility and frustration with women and courtship rituals. Another interpretation may be revenge upon the ladies for the rejection and the troubles the male had to go through; therefore, causing him to resent females, yet returning to the source that caused the anguish. It can also be understood as the fantasy of power in gender situations. Thurber makes comparisons to historical and metaphorical presence of animals and generalizes courtship as disempowering males. We see this display with the spiders by the violent acts the lady enforces upon the male as in the lines, "if a male lands on a female's web, she kills him before he has time to lay down his cane and gloves... millions of males were murdered by ladies they called on." (p 342)

Finally, James Thurber ends his essay with the "mournful burdens of the male," (p 343) and the different perspectives of courtship and fantasy. He emphasizes male talent and creativity with the incorporation of the husband quoting a poem. The wife ignoring the husband as he tries to recant a poem displays the female short attention span. The female fails to reinforce the males masculinity; therefore, producing a chaotic and confusing environment where he suffocates his growth in masculinity. The rejection caused by a female may be a severe blow to the males pride and ego; henceforth, shattering his self-confidence and bravado or machoistic image he parades in front of women. Such as the male fiddler crab displaying his mighty claw for hours at end hoping to attract the attention of a female fiddler crab.

The author ends his story in a mellow tone. Portraying woman as heartless people who are always causing men grief. The men are trying their best to please them in anyway possible, but still the women refuses his advances. He implies, that although a female may feel deeply interested, her objective may be elsewhere, as in the lines, "she sat quietly enough until he was well into the middle of the thing ... then suddenly their came a sharp, disconcerting slap ... it turned out that all during the male's display, the female had been intent on a circling mosquito and had finally trapped it between the palms of her hands." (p 344) After this the male felt his pride was hurt and that all his intentions were for nothing. There after he went to find solace in his drink at the bar where other men were present, and could relate to his sorrow. Most of them were familiar with the song "Honey, Honey, Bless Your Heart." (p 344) This song suggests how females can cause such heartbreak and turmoil among men. Yet, they always come back, thus making us part of the circle of life.

The Effects of Divorce on Children

Divorce in our society has become increasingly common. Fifty percent of all marriages will end in divorce and each year 2 million children are newly introduced to their parents separation, (Monthly Vital Statistics Report ). Demographers predict that by the beginning of the next decade the majority of the youngsters under 18 will spend part of their childhood in single-parent families, many created by divorce. During this confusing period of turmoil and high emotional intensity, the child must attempt to understand a complex series of events, to restructure numerous assumptions and expectations about themselves and their world. He or she may be uprooted to a new school, city or neighborhood leaving their familiar social ties behind. They must often assume new household duties, possibly feel the financial loss and most importantly receive less support and nurturing from their parents. These are just a few implications of divorce but demonstrates how it changes the lives of children.

Each child is unique, so the short and long term functioning of the children after divorce varies widely. Wallerstein and Kelly (1980) observed and interviewed parents and children three times in five years, and reported an estimate of one third of the children come out of divorce unharmed. Another one third function adequately, but experience difficulties, and the remaining one third have severe upsets in their developmental process. However the authors of the "Family in Transition", approach this finding with caution because the conclusions were made without comparing the children of two parent families. Never the less they do note there are overall trends in the functioning of children after divorce. The areas most often discussed are intellectual performance, juvenile delinquency and aggression, social and emotional well-being and cognition and perception,

(A & J Skolnick p. 349).

Most research shows that boys are more vulnerable than girls to divorce related stress and recover more slowly. A. and J. Skolnick offer the possibility that living with the opposite sex is more difficult than with the same sex and because the custodial parent is often the mother, boys are exposed to this situation more often. Another perspective is that girls are likely to be just as troubled by divorce as boys are, but demonstrate their feelings in a manner that is more appropriate to their sex role, namely by being anxious, withdrawn or very well behaved, (Kaslow and Schwartz p. 164).

In examining the data on the factor of age influencing a child's adjustment to divorce, it seems that older and younger children at the time of separation experience different short term effects, but share commonalities in the long term effects. Preschool children with their egocentric forms of reasoning, blame themselves for a parent leaving and take it as a personal rejection. This can be associated with a child's disturbed eating, sleeping, play and toileting, (Wallerstein & Blakeslee). School age children suffer from loyallty conflicts and fantasize about their parents getting back together. This is associated with the decline in academic performance or psychosomatic symptoms. Participating in outside activities help to get away from the tensions at home, (A & J Skolnick p. 355).

When a marriage breaks down, men and women alike often experience a diminished capacity to parent. They give less time, provide less discipline and are less sensitive to their children, since they themselves are caught up in its aftermath, Wallerstein p.21). According to the Skolnick's mothers become more coercive and fathers become more lax and indulgent. They make less demands for mature behaviors and communicate less effectively and provide less affection. As a result children may become less compliant and parent child relationships can be associated with behavior problems in the children. In a study done by Judith Wallerstein, she tracked 131 children of divorced parents 10 and 15 years after the divorce, she found that diminished parenting continued permanently, disrupting the child-rearing functions of the family. The role of the child becomes one of warding off the serious depression that threatens the parents and holding the parent together. Wallerstein calls these children the "overburden child". They accounted for 15 percent of the children in her study. Many become angry at being trapped by the parent's demands, at being robbed at their separate identity and denied their childhood. They are saddened, sometimes beyond repair, at seeing so few of their own needs gratified, (p. 41).

Judith Wallerstein also found that divorce has long lasting psychological effect on many children, one that in fact, may turn out to be permanent. Children of divorce have vivid memories about their parens' separation. The details are etched permanently in their minds, more than any other experiences in their lives. She also identified the "sleeper effect" as another long term implication of divorce. It is a delayed reaction to an event that happened many years earlier, (p.60). She saw many young women with acute, delayed depression which she defines as the sleeper effect and warns of it's danger. It occurs when many young women are about to make decisions that have long term implications for their lives.

Due to the different studies that have been followed out and the research that I have done, I expect to find many changes in children both short and long term due to the divorce of their parents. I expect that these long term effects will affect these children when it comes to them making choices about their future, especially when a significant other is involved.

Method

Subjects : The subjects in this study were a Joe age 4 and Jessica age 9. Both are upper-middle class Caucasions who reside with their mother in a nice house in Beverly. Their mother is college educated.

I recruited my subjects through work. I am a full time Nanny for these two children. I watch these children at their mothers house while their parents work. The father comes over everday after work and relieves me and watches the children until the mother comes home. The children seem to have a good family background because they see their father a considerable amount and their maternal grandparents only live a mile down the road which makes it more accessable to see them.

Procedure : In my study I mainly observed these children. Since I see them almost everyday I feel I can make strong statements as to what I believe. I carried out my observing in the house while I worked and kept notes. I read the research and looked for specific warning signs in the childrens behavior. I also made up a few questions to get a grasp of what Judy, the children's mother thought about their progress and how they have been affected.

Results

After observing I found many things. I found that Joe had become very aggressive. I noticed it especially when it came to other living things such as the family dog. He would also lash out at his sister, as well as myself at times. He never ment to cause harm but he couldn't seem to control his temper. At other times he acted even as a younger baby. He would act and talk like one. Another behavior change was that he wanted to start sleeping with his mother in her bed , again. Before the divorce Joe, had been sleeping in his own bed in his own room. It seemed as if he didn't want to leave his mother.

I also noticed some changes in Jessica as well. She started to become very mouthy. She was very vocal, mostly trying to be wise. It seemed as if she was doing it on purpose to get a rise out of people. I also noticed that her grades at school have begun to drop. She has gotten a few progress reports sent home from school saying that her grades have gone down. I have also noted that it seems that she feels as though it may be her responsibility to watch out for and take care of her little brother. She also seems to manipulate her mother and father. I would catch her saying one thing to her father and something different to her mother. Her famous words I always hear are "My father/mother said it is ok."

Discussion

One of the major findings, I believe is that divorce has a long term effect on children as well as short term effects.. At one time it wasn't clear of these effects but now it has been proven by researchers.

Several studies have shown academic achievement of children of divorce parents are at a disadvantage. They found academic deficits among them, lagging behind children from two parent families. This was consistent regardless of social class.

According to parent's, children's reports and court and school records antisocial actions occur more frequently among children of divorce than other groups, including intact families. This behavior can be defined as fighting, bullying other children, cheating ,lying, stealing, and running away.

Sex role socialization can be defined as the goals, values and behaviors deemed masculine or femninine by culture. Children imitate the behavior of the same sex and if that parent is absent then boys especially will exhibit a feminine play preference, feminine self concepts and lower aggression. This was found to be true of only preschool children and even though the development of masculine sex roles is slowed it is not long-term.

Social and emotional functioning includes interaction with peers, emotional states of fear, anxiety, depression and capacity to cope with stress or frustration. The majority of studies show the social-emotional functioning of children of divorce is less than intact families, ( A & J Skolnick p. 351).

On the average children of divorce have somewhat more negative outlook on their world as compared to children in intact families. They are more likely to evaluate their parents unfavorably, are more pessimistic about their own future wedding, ( A & J Skolnick p. 351). The Skolnick's point out that 10 to 30% of children in divorced families perceive rejection from their father, devalue the noncustodial parent, believe divorce is stigmatized or predict they will not marry.

There are some limitations to what I have found. I was only able to observe two children on an ongoing basis. Two children is not a lot so for that reason I couldn't obtain a wide variety of conclusions. Only the one's based on these two children. Another limitation is that I didn't really get to observe the children in a different setting, such as school, playground, or after school activities. So I was unable to compare these children in different atmospheres. The most important is that I have not gotten to see the long term effects of the divorce on the children such that a longitudinal study would give me. I also did not have a culturally diverse sample group to study.

However, I do not feel that my questions were answered untruthfully, therefore I do not see this as one of my limitations. Since I was a known person to the children I am sure that they were not acting differently due to my presence, so that could not factor into a limitation.

I believe there are many implications of divorce. I would suggest that divorced parents make sure that they are meeting the basic needs of the children. They need to be nurtured, and cared for by both the mother and father. The parents should make sure that there is an open line of communication between them and their children. They should also love them for who they are and not take out their frustrations of the former spouse on the children. The parents should never ask the children to choose between them. Children also need their own time to mourn the death of their mother and fathers marriage, just as much as their parents need to.

In the school setting I would suggest that teachers do not present a negative attitude about divorce toward students whose parents may not be living together, due to divorce or separation. The teachers should not demean these children nor take pity on them. These students should be treated just like any other.

References

Johnson, Linda C. (1989) Everything You Need to Know About Your Parents' Divorce. New York: The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc.

Kantrowitz, Barbara. (1992). "Breaking the Cycle of Divorce." Newsweek, Jan. 13 pp. 48-53.

Kaslow, Florence and Schwartz, Lita. (1987). The Dynamics of Divorce. New York: Brunner / Mazel publishers.

Kohlberg, L. (1966). The Development of Sex Differences. Berkeley Calif.: Stanford University Press.

Krantzler, Mel and Belli, Melvin. (1988). Divorcing. New York: St. Martin Press.

Skolnick, Arlene and Jerome. (1989). Family in Transition. Scott, Foresman and Co.

Wallerstein, Judy. (1989). "Children After Divorce, wounds that don't heal". New York Times Magazine. Jan. 22 pp. 19-21, 41-43.

QUESTIONS

1.) Does either one of the chidren seem to be withdrawn around other children in school, at home or any other activities?

2.) Did the divorce seem to affect the younger child, Joe more or less than Jessica? How?

3.) Do you believe your son receives the male role model he needs?

4.) Do you find it hard to discipline your child? If so is it because they do not listen or they are too aggressive?

5.) Do you believe that both children have the sufficient amount of contact with their father that they need and deserve?

6.) What is the relationship like between you and your ex-husband? Is it civil or hostile? If hostile, do you act it around the children? Do you feel that the children can sense that?

7.) Do you believe that Jessica has difficulty in the school setting?

Don't Touch My Monkey

Sexual addiction, can be better defined if compared with other types of addicts. There is little difference between the voyeur waiting for hours by a window for forty seconds of nudity and the compulsive gambler hunching on a long shot. An alcoholic's relationship with alcohol becomes more important than family, friends, and work. The relationship progresses to the point where alcohol is necessary to feel normal. To feel "normal" for the alcoholic is also to be lonely and isolated since the primary relationship he/she depends on is a chemical and not other people.

Sexual addiction is parallel. In order for the sexual addict to feel "normal" he/she will substitute a sick relationship to an event or process for a healthy relationship with others. The addict's relationship with a mood altering experience becomes central to their life. They will be willing to jeopardize everything that they love.

Sexual addicts progressively go through stages in which they go further away from reality of friends, and work. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives. Denial leads the list of ways addicts distort reality. They deny to themselves and others that they have a problem. Arguments, excuses, justifications, and circular reasoning abound in the addict's warped mental processes. Some of the excuses are: "What she doesn't know won't hurt her," "It's my way of relaxing," If my wife would be more responsive," and "If I don't get it every few days, the pressure builds up." Whatever the rationalization, it further cuts the addicts off from the reality of the behavior.

The next stage is sex addicts go through is sincere delusion in which they will believe their own lies. When they vow to themselves that they will quit, they are sincere and may even experience a great deal of emotion- tears of pain or anger when someone doesn't believe their good intentions. However, their commitment to others is as false as their vows to themselves. It is yet more evidence of seriously impaired thinking.

Sexual addicts are continually on the search, the hunt, the suspense heightened by the unusual, the forbidden, the illicit which are intoxicating to the addict. These are the conquest of the hustler, the score of the exposer, voyeur, or rapist, or the temptation of breaking the taboo of sex with one's child. In essence, it is courtship gone awry.

Addicts are powerless over their behavior. They have lost control over their sexual expression- which is exactly why they are defined as addicts. Some definite signs that you have a sexual addiction are:

-When the police car pulls in your drive way and you know why they've come...

-When you have to leave your job because of a sexual engagement with a person you never really liked anyway...

-When the school counselor calls you to inform you that your daughter doesn't want to be sexual anymore, and you are being reported to child protection...

-When you have a car accident while exposing yourself...

- When you tell someone "I love you" when you don't even know their name and know full well that there are two others who also think they are the one you love...

-When you laugh at a flasher joke your friend tells, and then realize you are one...

When any kind of sexual behavior becomes compulsive or obstructs your daily necessities such as eating or sleeping, you can be sure that their is a problem to be addressed.

Verbal Coersion

As if the line between normal and acceptable consensual sex and rape wasn't thin enough already, there are those out there that wish to make it an even narrower, less defined and more twisting line to stay on the right side of. It seems as though somehow, somewhere, someone decided that the two terms defined above are in some way related. However, in the manner of logic which I possess, they are not. The debate now is rape, and what constitutes that once horridly thought of crime. In the opinion of some, rape is no longer just a physical act of violence that accompanies uninvited sex. Rape, as defined by some, can occur even when the two parties involved agree verbally or otherwise to have sex. This to me, seems absurd. In the most basic terms, and with the simplest definitions, no means no, and okay, yeah, yes and please, all mean yes. The term "NO" is not very complicated, and is probably the word that was repeated to us the most as children, so we should all get that one right. But still, how can yes mean no? Apparently through a term known as "verbal coersion," which allows a large grey area to form between these simple answers to sometimes complicated questions.

"Verbal Coersion" is not a term you will find in the dictionary, at least not in any of the ones I own. In an article by David R. Carlin, Jr., he states that as he interprets this term "rape [can] occur even when consent is given, provided this consent is influenced by external pressures and is not simply the result of internal desire.(12; par.3)." I find this to be an acceptable definition of coersion as it relates to sexual situations, although I feel strongly that under no circumstance

can coersion constitute rape, once the coerced has consented to full physical acceptance of sexual advances.

Although coersion can be exercised through many different approaches, I contend that the entire idea that verbal coersion can constitute rape is inadequate on one main principle. In order to coerce someone, that someone must allow the coercing to occur. If a man who is trying to gain sexual favors from a woman attempts to seduce her through flattery, promises and so on, doesn't end up getting what he wants, no coersion has taken place. His attempt has failed. This is true only because the woman hasn't allowed herself to succumb to his charms. But if this is all that occurred, in no sense of the word has he attempted to "rape" her. If a man has a girlfriend or wife who is not in the mood for sex, and the man threatens to go find sex elsewhere or threatens to leave her, this is, in a way, coersion. This is not just a simple coercive statement though. It is coersion through blackmail, and is unkind and immoral, but again, it is not an attempted rape. Nor is it illegal.

I think that Camille Paglia is probably a good example of a person who would not allow herself to be coerced. In her essay "It's a Jungle Out There" she exhibits a massive general mistrust of the male gender as an entire group. She argues that "Hunt, pursuit, and capture are biologically programmed into male sexuality(637; par.10)" as she attempts to warn young women about the perils of behaving with naivety in the presence of young men, who have but one thing on their mind, and, supposedly, are willing to go to any lengths to get it. I truly doubt that this woman, or her younger counterparts who share this attitude, would willingly follow an intoxicated member of a fraternity up to his room, an expect nothing would happen. I doubt that any form or amount of coersion could change this, for their attitude is too defensive. They would be distrustful of anything a young man might do or say. In order for this type of woman to have sex with a man, she must first truly desire to, and all women, in my opinion, are capable of being this strong and self-reliant.

Coersion, as I see it, is a practice as common for most people as brushing their teeth before bed. I think that we are all guilty of being coercive, for in our society coersion is the ladder on which we stand to reach up and get that which we desire. We coerce others to see things our way, do the things we want to do, and to aide in making compromises that will be found acceptable to more than one party. Others coerce us for the same reasons, as well as many more. Everyday, we are exposed to an average of over seven-hundred advertisements which attempt to cajole us into buying a new product or service(often through sexually oriented advertising), or to try out an old product again. Coersion as I see it, and not as the dictionary defines it, is any attempt to persuade a person into doing something they may not ordinarily do. For that matter, it is even possible for us to coerce ourselves. We second-guess our first instincts, we buy act impulsively, and we are all capable of wanting things passionately. It is not irrational to expect that sex is one of those things.

I do believe that phrases such as "verbal rape," "date rape," and "acquaintance rape" do diminish the substance and impact of the word "rape" itself, and I feel that they should not be used in these forms. I feel that the word "rape" is designed to carry a powerful and shocking image, as is does as defined at the beginning of this work. When attached to other words such as "date," and "verbal", words that carry much different connotations and images, the impact of the word "rape" diminishes. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks this. David R. Carlin, Jr., in his article "Date Rape Fallacies" writes "... -even though I continue to be troubled by the use of the word "rape" to cover the whole range of events. For no matter how true the new feminist analysis might be, there still remains a world of difference between a smooth talker on one hand and a man holding a knife to your throat on the other. Calling them both rapists may be a fine way of highlighting the malignity of the former, but it is also a way of trivializing the criminality of the latter.(12, par.6)." I is very hard for me to compare a crime called "rape" against a crime called "verbal coersion" and expect that I, or anyone else, for that matter, would view them with the same degree of severity.

Although I have already stated that coersion of all types plays a role in our daily lives, at no point is this more true than when dating. In my opinion, dating is something that we do as a natural part of our existence as social beings, and in this day in age, sex plays a part in a dating relationship probably far too early. However, I don't think that this is due to men getting better at coercing women to have sex with them, nor do I think that women have lost their ability to say no or to protect their so-called "sacred vessels (Rophie 647, par. 7)." I think that this is due to the fact that it is finally acceptable for women to want sex. No longer are women treated as outcasts for wanting to have sexual relations on a first or second date. Women can now initiate sexual contact without being nearly as embarrassed as they feel like they should be. Also, women are now allowed to participate in the coercing. Although they don't as much, it's always fun when the roles are reversed and the man gets to try to hold off.

The preconceived notion that we all carry which implies that for men, the goal of dating is sexual conquest is true, and I'm sure always will be. The way that most men attempt to achieve these conquests is through coersion. As Susan Jacoby says in her essay, "Real men don't rape(644, par.19)." In my opinion, though, there's nothing wrong with trying to change someone else's opinion of you, or how that person feels about you. And that is coersion. And, often times, it is sexually oriented. And, if it does lead to sex, that's fine. It should also be fine if it doesn't. But either way, I think that it's unrealistic to consider coersion of any type to be a form of rape.

Does Sexual Harassment Still Exist in the Military for Women

Yes, the military does have sexual harassment and discrimination against women in

the nineties. "Firestone and co-researcher Richard J. Hurns analyzed a 1988 DOD Survey

of men and women in the military and found that 51.8 % of men and 74.6% of women

reported either experiencing or knowing of sexual harassment. Amoung the women

surveyed, 70.1% had experienced "sexual talk or behavior at the work place [that] created

an offensive, hostile or intimidating environment." Amoung the men, 36.9% gave the

same answer."(1) The percent of women being sexually harassed is much higher than the

percent of men being harassed. Even though it is not tolerated, it still happens regardless

of the consequences, even in the nineties.

While some women's experiences have been similar to those of black men, their

integration into the military has also differed in several ways. Because of our society's

fundamental belief that protecting the home and going to war are a man's work, men from

minority groups have often been accepted more readily in the military than the women.

Women have been viewed as outsiders in a male environment. Discrimination and

harassment occurs for women because we are entering an all male dominated area. Some

areas are still restricted because of it. For example: serving in direct combat capacities

such as armor, infantry, and special forces--branches from which much of the senior

leadership is drawn. "In 1994, the annual Navywide Personnel Survey included questions

on women's role for the first time. Some 65 percent of officers and almost 50 percent of

enlisted respondents said they did not think women were fully accepted in combat roles.

While approximately 80 percent said harassment was not tolerated at their command,

almost half of all respondents disagreed that everyone is treated equally in promotions and

advancements."(2) Some of this is bases on the presumed physical and psychological

characteristics of women which may interfere with their performances of some military

jobs. For example: the physical strength of women. People believe that women are not

strong enough to lift and carry heavy equipment or wounded fellow soldiers and that we

lack endurance to perform these tasks over a lengthened period of time. Also, there is the

idea that women can not perform strenuous tasks quickly, like loading heavy shells into a

weapon. And combat is not for the weak and slow.

Although allowing women in combat remains a top priority, women are now

serving in virtually every other occupational capacity in all four branches of the military.

A large number of previously restricted areas to women have been opened in the Army

and Marine Corps, and the Air Force has women training now for all previously closed

career fields. Even the Navy is improving, which is a shock on its own.

Even with increasing sexual harassment cases, the rising number of women being

recruited is not due to any idealistic vision of the right of women to serve their country in

uniform. One might say this trend is driven by the need to recruit an increasingly

intelligent, well-educated, and fit military in the face of data that reflects the shrinking

amount of qualified male candidates. "By current estimates, there are 191,399 women on

active duty in all four branches of the US Armed Forces, accounting for approximately

12.7 % of all active duty Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Personnel. As of September

1995, women accounted for 13.2 % of all officers and 12.6% of all enlisted personnel.

Approximately 16 percent of all active duty Air Force Personnel (officers and enlisted) are

women, followed by 13 percent of the Army, 12 percent of the Navy, and about 4.6

percent of the Marines."(3)

Sexual harassment is believed to be increasing, but one must remember a lot of

sexual harassment goes unreported. It is a shame women are afraid to report cases for

fear of being thrown out of their job, or just plain lack of knowledge on where to go or

what to do. Women can get the feeling of not trusting anyone in the military command

easier than women for two reasons. One, 99 percent of commanding ranks are taken by

men, and two, men are more likely to help men than women. A woman can not get help

from a commanding officer that's a woman, because the commanding officer is probably in

a rut of her own. Women should join forces and overthrow the men in charge. The US

would see a dramatic difference in sexual harassment cases reported. "A Pentagon Survey

of 90,000 service members showed that, overall, sexual harassment in the military is

declining, but still common, involving over half the women in the military. The number of

women reporting any type of sexual harassment in the previous twelve months dropped

from 64 percent in a 1988 survey of all the services to 55 percent, according to the report.

The unreleased documents indicated that amoung the individual services, the Navy

improved the most over that period. For 1995, that number had dropped to 53 percent.

The Air Force, as in 1988, continued to show the lowest overall percentage of harassment

amoung women surveyed, dropping from 57 percent to 49 percent."(4)

The Navy has made a strong and thoughtful effort towards the declining of sexual

harassment since the Tailhook scandal. In fact, all the services have. Beginning this year,

equal opportunity training is to be received by everyone. Everyone should strive for not

tolerating discrimination or sexual harassment. Each person is valuable to the military,

and what happens to one affects many others. Here are some key task force

recommendations:

-Evaluate each service member's commitment to equal opportunity and document

deviations in performance reports.

-Train leaders on their roles and responsibilities for equal opportunity programs.

-Ensure the chain of command remains an integral part of the processing and

resolution of complaints.

-Strongly encourage commanders to conduct periodic equal opportunity

assessments.

-Insist senior officials and commanders post statements declaring their commitment

to equal opportunity.

This shows that even though harassment and discrimination still occur, it does not

go unchallenged. People are waking up and saying "Enough is enough." After a certain

amount of complaining, anyone would say "Enough is enough". What is ment by that is

that it takes a lot of cases and re-occurring problems for it to finally get the notice it

needs.

"Basis trainees are learning that at all levels, the word is getting out that discrimination

and harassment have no place in the military profession and will not be tolerated, Air

Force officials said. The recent focus on sexual harassment in other military services has

also raised attention in this area as well. "The Air Force can not isolate itself from these

social trends," states the pamphlet. "Despite commanders' involvement and education

programs, people will occasionally behave inappropriately. It takes a strong continuing

commitment by everyone to minimize these behaviors and their effects."(5)

Once men can get over their male ego-trips, they will start to see the women in a

new light. Men could actually accomplish more working with women instead of against

them. What an amazing concept! Too bad men have not recognized it yet. Even with the

good news that sexual harassment is declining in the Navy, it still happens by the

thousands. Radios are constantly broadcasting that the Pentagon had to stiffen regulations

because so many women said they were the victims of reprisals for filing complaints.

There's this story that many believe is the cause of sexual harassment in the military,

especially the Navy. Sailors have always been known for their bawdiness, but the officers

were at least gentlemen. Then Vietnam came. Being in south-east Asia and increasingly

frustrated by a losing war, a whole generation of naval officers began carousing in the

sleazy bars of Bangkok and the Philippines. The Vietnam vets-- and the exploitative

sexual

attitudes they developed in Asia-- arrived home in the 70's just as women were beginning

to move into the ranks. This resulted in a declining of manner and morals with the arrival

of female sailors and officers. For the men, this has ment careers wrecked by lewd

indiscretions. And the Navy's women have been forced to learn how both to go along and

to fight back-- with very mixed success. One has to wonder if we could go back in time,

and erase Vietnam, would this still have happened anyway.

Footnotes

1.) Donegan, p.363

2.) Navy Times, p.1

3.) Military Women Profile, p.1

4.) Capital Online, p.2

5.) Air Force News Service, p.1